A spa hotel emailed me to announce they have introduced a monthly subscription.

I’m in favour of this business model because it will give them predictable cashflow instead of waiting for ad-hoc bookings to come in.

Thing is, when you sell a subscription for a service people typically pay for as they go, your subscription offering must be VERY compelling to persuade current and future customers to change their habits and commit to more regular visits.

And your copy MUST drive home to the reader why it is BETTER for THEM than popping in every so often.

 

Sizzling up the sales copy

The spa hotel’s sales copy starts off by saying:

We have beauty treatment rooms and a lounge, providing plenty of spaces to enjoy a treatment or just chill.”

Hmmm. This is heavy on the features.

It sounds more like an estate agency brochure with all this talk of rooms, lounge, and spaces.

I’d go with something like this, for starters:

“We have [Champneys trained] therapists offering you a range of [Elemis] cleansing, rejuvenating and relaxing treatments, after which you can enjoy chilling in the peaceful lounge”.

 Next paragraph, they say:

Our relaxing leisure facilities includes a 10m x 5m heated indoor pool, indoor jacuzzi, sauna, steam room and ‘experience’ shower.”

Features again!

The estate agent left and the fixtures and fittings sales rep came over to tell us about the facilities.

As ‘relaxation’ was the theme of the last paragraph, I’d tailor the benefits of this one to health and fitness, so they’re talking to a different buying motivation and not repeating themselves to the first group.

I don’t know what an ‘experience’ shower is and the fact they’ve put it inside quote marks, as, ‘experience’, is making me scared to ask.

And the third paragraph:

Our outdoor thermal spa garden is open all year round, and has a eucalyptus sauna, lavender sauna, rainwater shower, outdoor hot tub and plenty of sun loungers.”

Ahhh… fixtures and fittings person got two paragraphs!

This sounds like an outdoor oasis of calm to me, perhaps an open air wellness space for yoga in good weather, warm up in winter in the hot tub, or top up your vitamin D levels on one or the comfy loungers.+

Spa, relax, enjoying concept. Married couple together relaxing in spa salon, lying on beds drinking champagne, using candles

The Copywriting Lessons

#1: They are way too attached to their features – (justifiably) proud as they are of their space and all the facilities, they have forgotten that we, the readers, only care how those features will benefit us.

#2: When your reader might not know the meaning of a term you have used, explain it – so they don’t come to the wrong conclusion or feel silly for not knowing, because a confused mind does not take action!

(For instance, after taking a deep breath and peering at the screen from behind a cushion, I googled “experience shower”.

#TookOneForTheTeam

And WOW!

It is a 4D sensory experience of sounds, lighting, water effects and scents.

That sounds lush… not icky at all!

If only they had said that in the first place!

#3: They haven’t highlighted any financial values for these features.

The reason putting a number to the features matters will become much clearer when you see the offer.

Price anchoring in your sales copy:

A Winking woman holding credit card with hand isolated on yellow colored background. AI Generative

We didn’t currently know if we would usually need a day pass to access the sauna, experience shower and pool.

We have no idea of the price of passes.

Or the typical treatments cost?

With no info for what we would usually pay for a couple of treatments, a cheeky chill out in the hot tub and finishing with my new fascination, the no-longer-icky, ‘experience’ shower, we have no context to gauge how good the offer is.

That’s why, before they revealed the numbers they should have ANCHORED the price of the subscription against the cost of visiting ad-hoc.

Readers MUST perceive the subscription to be BETTER value when they see it in comparison to the cost of visiting occasionally.

Price anchoring is when you show how the price of your offering is a steal compared to what they’d usually pay.

E.g., saying “the price per month is equivalent to a single gold star massage” is an example of a price anchor.

In the online world you might see experts anchor the price of their program by saying consultancy clients pay them 5k an hour, and you are getting a year in their program where they will teach you all the things, for 1k.

Anyway… back to the spa hotel…

Presenting your offering

If the sales copy has done a good job, the reader will be intrigued and keen to see what the deal is.

Unfortunately, they would have been disappointed, because, when you become a subscriber at the spa hotel, you will receive:

  • 10% off soa treatments

  • 10% off spa retail

  • 10% off lunch and dinner in the restaurant

  • 10% off Sunday lunch

  • 10% off bedroom reservations

  • 4x FREE day spa passes per YEAR.

  • Summer and Winter members’ events.

  • Welcome pack…

… for £140/month ($175).

EEEK!

£1,620 ($2,000) year for 4 spa day passes, two events, and a welcome pack?!

Are day passes usually £400 each?

Perhaps the value is in the welcome pack?

They haven’t told us what is in there or how much the contents are worth, so we don’t know.

Maybe the summer and winter members’ events are intimate dinners with a famous name?

Is food and drink included? Entertainment?

What would tickets usually cost?

CONTEXT is KEY!

Without it, their subscription offering falls flat – low in benefits and value.

It’s a no from me!

How I would package, present and promote the spa hotel subscription offering:

THE MARKETING:

 I’d start with a campaign to boost the perception of the spa hotel as a premium destination BEFORE the subscription was introduced.

Clearly showing the value of the spa, treatments and facilities, the hotel, conference and events spaces, and the quality of the food.

Driving home how great this place is for each buyer type, so the reader begins to build a mental picture of what they could spend there.

Then presenting the subscription as the convenient and cost-effective option to enjoy what we readers are already excited about, more often, more easily and for less perceived cost.

THE OFFERING:

 I’d simplify the offering to improve the perceived value while increasing the potential for additional revenue, so members will WANT to spend more.

Beautiful young woman working at hotel in spa department.

For example, the offer could be something like this:

As a subscriber, you are entitled to one massage or facial every month, plus you receive 2x day passes to access the pool and saunas etc per month, discounted dining and drinks, PLUS reduced priced passes when you want your friend to join you.

To reserve your passes, treatments and dining, simply text our VIP Concierge, tell them your plans, and they’ll take care of booking your treatments and restaurant reservations, and will send you a confirmation when you’re all booked in.

 On arrival for your first visit, you will be greeted by your Spa Host who will personally show you around so you know where to find everything and they will take you to your first appointment so every minute you spend with us is relaxing and stress-free”.

In reality, the VIP text service could be as simple as a WhatsApp number that the Reception team monitor – the same team who are the Spa Hosts.

It’s just communicating every aspect of your offering in a compelling way so buyers feel great about buying again and increase your customer value

 More members would visit the spa, more often, potentially booking extra treatments to enjoy during their visit.

Not every member will use their allowance in full, so costs won’t be as high as projected either.

And subscribers will be more likely to:

  • Invite a friend to join them for their visit (additional passes and treatments revenue).

  • Hold business meetings in one of their event spaces because they already feel a loyalty to the venue (corporate, weddings and accommodation revenue)

  • And while they’re on the premises, choose to add food and drink to their tab (restaurant and bar revenue).

Then, those discounts would become more valuable (or unnecessary!).

When buyers feel they are already receiving a ton of benefit as a subscriber, discounts on what they would expect to buy will be the cherry on top.

If you are a business owner with a product, online program, or service you want more people to buy, check out my 1:1 Copy and Content Writing and Sizzling packages and let’s get your written shizzle to sizzle!

******************************

UPDATE… 28 days on…

It’s been 28 days since the spa hotel first emailed me to announce their new subscription service.

Do you know how many emails they’ve sent about the offer since?

None.

Their entire promotion for this subscription so far has consisted of one single email.

Telling people about your offering one time is not enough to get them to pay attention or buy.

People who would leap to buy from you when you show them a really exciting opportunity are turned off when the way the offer is presented makes it look like a rubbish deal.

Sales copy that talks only of features won’t get them excited about the benefits of buying and the transformation they’ll enjoy when they do.

(That’s why Caribbean holiday brochures are full with photos of sunny days, loungers on white sandy beaches, and happy, relaxed people sipping cocktails, and not the airport check in desk, security scanners and seats on the plane!).

When your offer is evergreen, never having promo sprints will lead to inconsistent revenue from an inactive audience.

By ‘sprints’, I mean ‘periods of more intense marketing’ to gain attention and traction for what you sell.

Think of it like driving from one end of the country to the other on motorways.

  • 80% of the time you’ll be cruising at a steady speed. (Your evergreen promo and sales generation).
  • 20% of the journey you’re accelerating to gather pace – such as when you join a new motorway or overtake. (Marketing sprint).

How you do this acceleration period can be as low-key or as full on a launch as you want.

  • You might post/email daily for 5-10 days to share all the layers of info that will rouse readers from their emotionally numb scrolling, motivate your perfect-fit prospects into action, so they become more eager to invest in your offering, as the days go by. (Buyer psychology).
  • You could opt for a full on 3-4 week free challenge + webinar style launch.
  • Or the low-key option is to have behind the scenes conversations with people who have given a signal of interest.

With all sprint options, you will be talking about a specific offering you present with compelling copy, and a reason for your perfect fit prospects to sign up during the period of the sprint.

Many of my introverted clients and peers enjoy doing the 5-10 day promo a few times a year, and the low-key conversations sit behind their authority and conversion content for evergreen sales.

There are too many business owners who promote a wishy washily worded offer one time only, and when nobody buys, pull back and tell themselves it didn’t work.

Let me help you avoid being one of them…

Present YOUR offer as an attractive opportunity with a high perceived value so your audience get excited to buy…

 

Get my personal help to create sizzling sales copy that clearly communicates the value, and engaging ‘sprint’ marketing that converts more of your ideal buyers into premium paying clients, with my 30-day Done With You Sales Copy That Sells program.

We’ll start by reviewing your offering; what’s included and how it’s structured and I’ll propose tweaks to how you present it so your ideal BUYERS recognise it is exactly what they want and need.

Then, we will craft your powerful sales and marketing copy to show the value of your offering and sell the benefits, so when you send out your sprint marketing, perfect fit prospects will see clearly how investing will benefit them and be eager to sign up.

You’ll be able to use this copy in multiple places..

✅ on your sales and checkout pages, so more visitors buy

✅ as a Google Doc sales document so your offer becomes a priority for the right buyers

✅ add parts of it to the end of your online content as a CTA for evergreen lead generation

✅ and publish it as social media content and emails, so the people in your audience sit up and take notice.

You’ll have fewer sales calls to do (or none at all) because your compelling copy will take the hard work out of selling and you’ll likely only need to respond to their questions.

If your offer is already tightly dialled in and your copy converting well, and what you want is more people to read your sales page, then we will shift our full focus to your marketing and create compelling authority and conversion content to increase interest in your work during your sprint campaign.

👑 Your investment for the 30-day Done With You Sales Copy That Sells program is $999.

This is incredible value when you consider that within only a couple of weeks you’ll be:

🚀reaching more of your ideal clients (people who scroll past you now will start noticing your business),

🚀attracting more interest in your work (they’ll recognise they want and need your offer when it’s presented with your new, first-class copy),

🚀converting a higher percentage of visitors to your page into paying clients when they “get” why they should buy

🚀and bringing in a flurry of new clients during our initial promo sprint – and beyond.

When you are ready to boost your brand, increase your conversions and skyrocket your revenue with a compelling offering, sizzling sales copy and magnetic sprint marketing, then my 30-day Done With You Sales Copy That Sells program will give you everything you need – and nothing you don’t.

>>> https://veronicapullen.co.uk/sccoc

Veronica Pullen

Veronica Pullen

The Mile-Deep Marketing Queen at Apples to Oranges Ltd
Veronica Pullen, AKA The MIle-Deep Marketing Queen helps coaches, trainers, consultants, mentors, experts, speakers, and therapists to attract your ideal, like-minded clients from your 'Mile-Deep' Facebook marketing, networking, group challenges, and ads.
Veronica Pullen
Veronica Pullen
Veronica Pullen

Latest posts by Veronica Pullen (see all)